Five Douche-Bag Ways To Break Up With Someone


It’s awkward and unpleasant.  Some would take a lobotomy over having to make that dreadful phone call or have ‘the talk’ with the person who was labeled as your other half.  Regardless of how long you’ve been dating,  ‘seeing’ one another, or perhaps just getting to know each other, the breakup conversation has the ability to skew in any direction.

If things haven’t been going well, normally both parties are aware and there’s no sense in avoiding the inevitable.  A breakup is looming. The decision has been made in your head and your heart that this person is not right for you – so how are you going to break the news?  In an effort to avoid an uncomfortable situation, you try to find creative ways to cut the ties, but there’s no easy way out of this one.  I’ve come up with five douche-bag ways that you can breakup with someone.  To be consistent, let’s assume this is a man breaking up with a woman.  I am a woman, so it’s only reasonable that I speak to it this way; however, it can apply to both male and female heart-breakers.

1.  Twitter, Facebook, or any other social media platform.

There is nothing worse than intentionally sending a negative message on a social network.  You’ll ruin it, FOREVER.  Not only will the other person never forgive you, but if you had any hopes of keeping a semi-decent friendship or at least a social connection with them while not looking like a complete jackass, you’ve just ruined your chances.

2.  Email.

This is a form of communication that is normally used for business.  However, most people have email on their phone and will immediately receive this message, the ramifications of which will be much worse than you anticipated.  Keep in mind the unlimited characters that you can send at one time –  a message will be well thought out before sending.

3. Voice mail or Post-it.

Do you want to be known as the ultimate douche-bag for laying it out in a voicemail?  Or even worse, on a post-it note you leave before sneaking out of your significant other’s house in the morning?  (Yes, I got this one from Sex & The City; Burger was the ULTIMATE douche).  Save your reputation before you tarnish it.

4.  Text message.

NEVER send a breakup text, because this is the lowest form of communication.  It shows no empathy, no sentiment, and no remorse.  It doesn’t matter how much you use it, or how often you have made contact with her during your relationship, texting your request to part ways is a definite no-no.

5.  Personal messenger.

I shouldn’t even have to mention this one.  Having a buddy do your dirty work will expose your non-existent maturity level to all.

While I know that avoiding a possible drink or slap to the face is something that may be high on your priority list, you may  want to avoid unnecessary drama as well. Let’s be honest – this is a BREAK UP.   It doesn’t matter how much you sugar-coat it, it’s going to suck!

Try to be courteous to the other person’s feelings, be respectful in the process, and for heaven’s sake when you do break-up with someone… leave it that way, no one deserves to be strung along.

 Image courtesy of imagerymajestic /
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I'm not a dating expert, and I am certainly NOT claiming to be a relationship expert - I am however, very observant and attentive to things that matter to the heart. I'm a single mother, in my thirties, I have a very demanding yet rewarding career in Marketing and Public Relations; and oftentimes, dating and relationships take a back seat, so I'm still searching for my prince charming. In the meantime, I'm happy being me, with or without a man.

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