The Worst Five Wardrobe Choices For A First Date

When it comes to the old Mars vs. Venus argument, it is true that men and women definitely prepare for dates differently. A man might grab a shirt off the floor, sniff it to check for B.O. before putting it on, and then douse himself with Axe Body Spray before heading out the door. On the other hand, a woman might start preparing for a date a full day before the big event – getting her nails done and shopping for something “special” to wear. On the day of the date itself, she may try on various outfits while taking photos to send to her friends, who she then harangues with endless phone calls and extensive polling about which ensemble best exemplifies a “sexy-but-not-slutty” image.

Despite all this careful planning on the part of the female, there is still enormous room for error when it comes to the appropriate attire for a first date. You should put some basic thought into the process; for example, there are certain categories of clothing that all men and women embarking on a first date should avoid at all costs. These five clothing choices have been known to incite your date’s desire to climb out of a bathroom window to avoid being seen with you:

1.  Vests.

Are you so afraid of sex that you need double the protection that one shirt offers? Or did you borrow something from your grandfather’s closet after he gave you the big sex talk about how getting to third base means being able to see her ankles? A vest sends a very bad message — actually several bad messages. Mainly it says that you enjoy wearing costumes or that you are a full-time waiter at Chuck-E-Cheese. And no, you can’t wear a vest “ironically.” They are too earnest a wardrobe item to pass off as part of some hipster ensemble. Just take it off. And before you ask: no, it’s still not OK even if you leave it unbuttoned.

2.  Your sexiest underwear.

It’s a first date–don’t haul out the crotch-less panties just yet. While you are absolutely entitled to go out and sleep with anyone you want to sleep with, do you want your date to think that you anticipated the possibility of a sexual encounter and have prepared by wearing sexy underwear ? This can signify desperation, which will cause panic in the heart of your intended. Desperation also ensures that you will not get a second date. Instead, wear good but not va-va-voom underwear, something that doesn’t look like it’s missing a whip and some minions. Think “non-threatening”–not “death threatening.” As for men’s underwear, many women find bikini underwear a real turn-on, but most just hope that whatever you’re wearing is clean.

3.  Sweatpants.

There is only one place you can wear sweatpants on a first date, and that’s the gym, which should never, under any circumstances, be the location of a first date. If you don’t look good when sweating, we will not be able to imagine having sex with you, which should, if done correctly, involve sweating. Ultimately, though, I have to defer to the Seinfeld episode when Jerry told George that he shouldn’t wear sweatpants in public: “You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable'”. Also, we don’t need to see your genitals bouncing around all night. Put on some pants. Please.

4.  Fancy dress.

Men are afraid of women when they are dressed up. Ladies, trust me on this. I know that Carrie on Sex and the City wore The Naked Dress on her first official date with Mr. Big, but if you show up for a dinner date in a slinky, sexy, formal dress, all a man will see is dollar signs – and not because he wants to pimp you out. It will be because you look high maintenance, and men don’t want to think about how to afford the 2-carat engagement ring that someone who wears such a fancy dress on a first date will obviously covet. Keep it casual, but stylish.

5.  Concert t-shirts from concerts that took place 25 years ago that you could not possibly have attended.

Just because your grandfather was at Woodstock doesn’t mean you get to claim it. If you’re wearing a t-shirt for a concert that took place before you were born, you’re either hopelessly stuck in the past and miserable in the present, or you’re a poser who probably bought the shirt at Wal-Mart or Hot Topic. Neither of these are desirable qualities. I would add that a t-shirt for a recent concert or band is acceptable, but there is the possibility that you will choose a Nickelback shirt, in which case you really shouldn’t be dating at all. No one wants to be with someone who might actually listen to, or worse yet, play that crappy music for them. So I’m going to expand this category to include all t-shirts related to music, bands and the movie Scarface. Wear one of those, and no one will want to say hello to your little friend.

Now get out there and date!

Image courtesy of Victor Rabbick/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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