He’s Just Not Into My Interests!

Your date likes bungee-jumping, but you get your thrills watching horror movies. While you’re keen to spend your weekends antique shopping and taking fun courses, your date would rather be playing video games all day or watching sports. Do the differences matter when it comes to interests and hobbies?

I used to fervently say ‘not at all!’ It was fun to meet and go out with a guy who was into different things. I used to laugh when we had interests that were like cats and dogs, ready to pounce on each other if you left them alone in the room. After all, my thinking was that compromise in a relationship is a good thing. I would accompany him on his adventure sports getaway one weekend and he would accompany me to go clothes shopping the next (provided that the bungee cord didn’t break).


photo credit: Morinoko via photopin cc

But it’s not always such a tidy scenario.

The problem with having very different (or conflicting) hobbies with your partner is that you risk spending large chunks of your spare time doing things you really don’t want to do. Yes, it is good to take a step out of your comfort zone every now and then, but if your and your partner’s interests are completely opposed (for instance, you hate heights and mountain climbing takes up many hours of their spare time), then it can be a problem.   A partner’s hobbies and interests may impact many facets of your life together – everything from when you take vacation time to what their life dreams and goals are.

If the person’s hobby or interest is something that links up to a higher life goal, then this could possibly be problematic. For instance, your potential partner enjoys riding his motorbike so much that he has intricately mapped and planned out long trips.  You, on the other hand, hate motorbikes.  Where would this scenario leave you? Would you be dating long distance during all of his adventures? Would you have to go along in spite of your feelings? What about your adventures? Sure, different interests can be fresh and new if you’ve never, say, tried rock climbing or yachting, but if your different interests show that you’re basically very different people, then maybe the whole opposites attract thing doesn’t really work for you.

I’m definitely not saying that you need to be very similar to your partner. However, there is something to be said for sharing interests. You can spend more of your spare time together having fun – real fun, not just the grinning and going green sort of thing while he shouts YOLO from the plane before a jump. Your shared hobbies can lead to fun holidays during which you pursue those interests together, mutual goals perhaps, and even a shared state of mind about the world. In other words, it’s one of the signs that you’re on the same wavelength, and starting out on the same page is a good thing.

Header  image courtesy of  Luigi Diamanti /FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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I am a writer living in South Africa. I have been working as a journalist and blogger for ten years. I am passionate about writing, and I have to confess I love it even more than my favorite high heels and Lindt chocolate. Writing on the topics of dating and relationships is an interest of mine, and I love keeping my finger on the pulse of the latest dating trends.

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