Five Ways People Screw Up On Their First Date

You scored a date with someone, combed your hair, wore those pants that make your butt be all like, ‘tadow!’  The conversation was nice and you seemed to be getting along, but a week or so later, no phone call. No second date? What happened? Was there too much ‘tadow!’ in your butterball? Was it because you applied action verbs when describing your butt?

Possibly.

There are a lot of reasons why a second date doesn’t happen. Sometimes, it’s stuff you can’t predict or control, like lack of chemistry or sexual attraction. Unfortunately, there are a lot more superficial reasons why most first dates end up being the only date. The good news is they are definitely things you can avoid just by reading this article.  You’re welcome.

Here are five (fixable) ways people screw up their first dates:

1 Hygiene

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Steve thought she would be impressed by his natural manly musk. Unfortunately for Susan, his musk smelled like a dirty diaper that had been left in a hot car.

We don’t need to tell you about the basic stuff like showering, brushing your teeth and being your freshiest fresh before a first date, right?  RIGHT?!?!  But before you step out the door, may we suggest a head-to-toe detail view of yourself. Are your teeth holding a piece of lettuce hostage? Is there an extrovert nose hair swaying to your nose breeze? Guys, look down. Are your shoes ‘homeless chic’ or..(gasp!) CROCS? It seems all so petty but presentation is big when you’re meeting a person for the first time. If there’s a BBQ stain on your shirt, your potential date will immediately connect it to who you are: a person who doesn’t care enough about their date to grab a clean shirt and  who also eats BBQ like a toddler.

2. Being Unprepared

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Adios second date!

If you’re the one who asked for the date, it’s an unspoken rule that you’re also the one who plans the date – or at least does the majority of the prep work (Yelping restaurants, Googling fun stuff to do in the area, checking to see if you have a Groupon coupon for the batting cage) to ensure that you and your date have the best time possible. Going on a first date with plans to ‘just wing it’ is a recipe for disaster (or possibly a hot-wings recipe on Pinterest).  At the very least, have a general idea of where you’ll be going and what you’ll be doing. If you invited your date over to your house, watching Family Feud and nuking a mac-n-cheese dinner is unacceptable. Rent an interesting movie to watch, plan a music set list to play in the background while you talk and DEFINITELY have a delicious dinner. If you can’t cook, get some Chinese take-out, put it on fancy plates and take credit for it.  We won’t tell anyone.

3. Putting on a Talent Show

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Just smile, nod and back away slowly towards the exit when he starts singing the chorus, girlfriend.

I did an impromptu Facebook poll with my friends about having a bad first date and my comment box got stuffed like a turkey (seasonal pun) with horror stories which I’m now selfishly using to help me write this article. One first date experience which really stood out was from a girl who went on a first date with a guy who insisted on ‘rapping’ to her. It was so traumatic that here she was, years later, sharing it on my Facebook wall. Singing, Rapping, beat-boxing or, god forbid, MAGIC TRICKS of any sort double as a sad soundtrack to your second date potential dying a slow death. Unless you invited your date to see you in a play or a concert, one-on-one, unsolicited, impromptu performances usually don’t go over too well.  Treating a date like an X-Factor audition not only pressures them to fake smile during your theme song rap, but they also have to feign being impressed with your skills – whether you are great or terrible. Save your singing, rapping, and spoken word poems for the shower and please slap yourself until you forget every magic trick you’ve ever learned.

4. Being Rude

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As Bob discussed fantasy football with a friend, Mary discreetly put a booger in his salad because Mary is a lady but OMG she totes hates rude people.

Much like showering, this SHOULD be common sense; however, there are still many people who go out on a date and feel that it’s okay to be rude to waiters, check emails/texts in the middle of a conversation, or check out other people in front of their date. It doesn’t matter if mid-way through the date you have decided the person isn’t a match for you, they still deserve your attention and respect.  As the Dalai Lama says: “To reach true enlightenment, be less of a dickhead each day”.  Okay, so that might not have been an EXACT quote, but I think he would agree with us when we say that in dating and life in general, try your best to be nice and courteous to EVERYONE.

5. Moving Too Fast

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He’s been standing there since 1965

There’s one thing most people who are dating have in common:  They’re all looking for love. However, that does not mean that you spill out your relationship blueprint for your date to examine on the first date.  The first date should be fun and fluff, not love and substance – that should happen much later. There are certain subjects which you shouldn’t discuss during a first date, such as: when you want/if you want to get married, why you want/need someone special in your life, why you think they’d be the perfect person to marry/have a relationship/have kids with, etc.  These are topics you want to discuss a couple dates down the road or when you’re about to get into a relationship, not when you’re trying to create one. Putting in the love and substance prematurely can scare potential dates away, so turn down the pressure cooker and slow cook your relationship roll homie.

6. Talking about your Ex.

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The only person allowed to talk about their ex.

Another dating no-no that popped up on my Facebook poll surprised me because it seems like a rule which Cosmo has been regurgitating for years – and yet it’s a rule that someone will probably break on their first date tonight. Your date wants a good time and good company, not a play-by-play on how your ex got drunk at your brother’s wedding and twerked all over the best man. (Unless you caught it video that is..)

Your date is many things; your potential match, a new friend, a person you want to get to know better, a person who wants to get to know you better.  They are NOT:  your mommy, your daddy, your blog, or your Facebook wall.

Bitching and moaning about your ex should be reserved for your friends, family, therapist, and Taylor Swift (which is obvious because I think we all know Taylor Swift is everyone’s therapist.)

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Editor. Writer. Karaoke Ninja. I'm really good at eating fried stuff on sticks while complaining about how I can never get in shape. When I grow up, I want to be that foam finger Miley Cyrus was dry humping.

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