Ditch The ‘Nice Guy’

One of the other writers here at A to Z Date Ideas posted an article Five Problems With Being a Nice Guy and boy did she hit the nail on the head.  Being a nice guy is actually a problem! Not for the guys necessarily, but for us ladies.  ‘Nice Guy’ is a misnomer and misleading to women.  Anyone who’s ever been with a Nice Guy can agree that it’s not that nice. It’s actually false advertising. Women don’t want nice, women want a man who is passionate and tender.

I’ve dated and been friends with many nice guys.  You know what their problem was? Instead of a Nice Guy they were actually:

  • ‘Boring Guy’
  • ‘Stuck in a rut Guy’
  • ‘Waits for stuff to fall in his lap Guy’
  • ‘Can’t learn from past mistakes Guy’
  • ‘Low self esteem Guy’
  • ‘Will only ever be a guy ‘with potential’ Guy’
  • ‘Gives up too easily Guy’
  • ‘Willing to accept mediocrity Guy’
  • ‘Lives in the past Guy’
  • ‘Doesn’t have his own opinion Guy’
  • ‘Wants a mommy figure Guy’

Contrary to popular belief women don’t like being abused, neglected, or undervalued.  But what they do like is a man who they can build a fulfilling life with. No one wants to die second by second spending a lifetime with someone who is dead weight!  Not sure what I mean? Let me give you a few examples:

Supposed Nice Guy 1:

I was talking to this guy who really caught my attention, he was handsome, funny, smart and kind. Eventually we got to talk about dreams and goals.  When it was his turn to share his dreams he said he’s always wanted to work for the Sheriff’s office.  Based on his skill set I knew he had what it took to land a great position there.  I asked if he’s previously applied for a job.  He said no, he’s “waiting on a hookup from a friend.” Yup he’s a 30-something year old man who can’t manage to submit his resume without someone else clearing the path for him. He could’ve taken the initiative and volunteered in youth programs the Sheriff’s office has or attended benefits to help raise money. That way, when a position becomes available he’ll have an edge. Is he lazy? Nope, he’s just your standard “Nice Guy.”

Diagnosis: “Waits for stuff to fall in his lap Guy”, “Will only ever be a guy ‘with potential’ Guy” and yes…the worst! “Wants a mommy figure Guy”– in this case his friend with the hookup was his surrogate mommy.

nice guy

Supposed Nice Guy 2:

One of my male friends is a talented visionary,  funny and easy on the eyes. What’s his problem? He always picks the worst girls to date! He’s still friends with an ex-girlfriend who cheated on him when they were going out. Isn’t trust a foundation to all relationships, including friendship? I guess not in his world. One of his other exes was a coke head who cheated on him, stole all his stuff, and then dumped him!  Yup, he’s the classic ‘Nice Guy’ that keeps getting stepped on by ‘Bad Girls’.

Diagnosis: “Stuck in a rut Guy”, “Can’t learn from past mistakes Guy” and “Low self esteem Guy.”  He may be wonderful, but if he keeps such toxic garbage in his life, what will he keep in yours?

Girls really don’t want to date the ‘Bad Boy’ but we can’t deny that Bad Boys take the kinds of risks we wished Nice Guys would take more of.  Nice Guys sit on the sidelines for fear of getting slammed, instead of jumping in with the kind of zest for life that women would love to spend a lifetime with.

If you’re a fella that has been accused of being a Nice Guy:

Stop it! And no, that doesn’t mean you start treating women poorly.  It means follow your passions full throttle and fearlessly.  Trust me, once you do that women will be hunting you down!

If you’re a woman tired of Nice Guys:

Check out venues where there are likely to be passionate men who care about others.  Remember these guys are doers that like to connect and help other people. Think networking events, fundraisers, professional societies, clubs and organizations that contribute to the community.  And remember: Good Girls are overrated as well. So ditch being a girl and become a woman.  Instead of waiting around for a knight in shining armor to save you, save yourself.  You’ll have more respect that way: from him and yourself.

Have you ever dated a Nice Guy or Good Girl? Or been accused of being one? Well then spill! And share your story below.

Body image courtesy of Boaz Yiftach / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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I am a thirty-something geologist that is embarking on the scariest adventure to-date: I am trying to have healthy adult relationships. Let me give you a brief history. I went away to college at 16 years old, and have not lived in the same state as my family since then...until now. I have lived different places every four to five years. I've recently moved to Florida to be close to my family and make a career change. I plan on this being the last move. Let me tell you a little about me. I am biracial and the first of my family to finish college. I have daddy issues. I have a congenital heart defect. I am committed to making a positive impact on the world, but realize I have to do that for myself first. I am confused, and 100% certain about it. This is my "Captain's Log" as I cruise through this uncharted territory. Hopefully, we can enjoy the ride together and have some laughs.