I have recently found myself in a relationship. The girl that was two bad dates away from playing the other field has finally been bestowed with a good man. Even though I can proclaim it now, it took me a while to get here.
I went through various phases of emotion towards men, including sadness, hate, and cynicism. It seemed like one after one, they were all out for the same thing – to break my heart. Or so it seemed, of course. It’s not like they were all plotting against me. Eventually I came to an understanding that perhaps, just perhaps, I hadn’t found the right man for me.
I built a wall so high even Miley Cyrus’s wrecking ball could not break it. I was emotionally detached from men, and vowed to concentrate on me. Once I did that, I discovered it was acceptable to let my guard down and try to love again – and in doing so I came up with an emotional cheat sheet.
Are you comfortable enough that if he were to leave you tomorrow, you would be OK?
It came to me after months of self-discovery, an overwhelming sense of self and comfort – one that I have never felt before. It had very little to do with egotism and everything to do with being comfortable with who I am and where I am in my life. When you have a high level of independence, you don’t have to rely on a man to make you happy. You have to be happy alone, a man should only enhance your happiness.
How slow can you go?
When it comes to sex, no one waits until marriage. Sex and the City is the poster child for how we treat sexual encounters; if we can’t get it with our partners, we’ll find another. We no longer wait to meet the parents before bumping uglies with a romantic interest. So, why wait? Because you shouldn’t sleep with someone until you get to know them first; otherwise, it’s just a physical act and not one of emotion – and it should be emotional.
Really, how slow can you go?
We receive our emails on our smart phones, no one leaves voicemails anymore, and if we want something, we buy it. When it comes to relationships, there’s no sense in rushing until you know for sure that the relationship is heading in the direction that you want it to.
It’s not until you get to know someone completely, and have an open line of communication with that person, that you can let that proverbial guard down.Header image courtesy of imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net Body image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net